abduction in winter (poem)

and i have a steady heartbeat that feels more like a countdown.

Detail from the wall-painting depicting the abduction of Persephone by Pluto, mid-4th century BC, Vergina, Tomb of Persephone.

This is one of those poems where I didn’t really know what I was writing about or where I was going with it until long after it was finished. It sat in my drafts for quite some time without a name. This summer, as I was going through my drafts, it came to me that the feeling I was describing was seasonal depression, and that the connection to the story of Persephone (which I had already written in) worked as a perfect metaphor. I have another poem posted about seasonal depression from December, but I actually wrote abduction in winter first!

a december poem (poem)

abduction in winter

i know decay before death
a rotting from the inside out 
an aching of bone, teeth, and flesh 
a blade to the chest you can’t pull out 

lock me alone in my mausoleum  
leave me alone for just three days 
when jesus did it they believed him 
blood still trickles warm in my veins 

not stone cold to the touch  
but stone cold to feel 
there is no adrenaline rush 
no reality that feels real

and now i’m not quite yet dead 
but also still not quite alive 
caught somewhere in-between
stuck in the “i can’t decide”

i’m searching for the right word 
to describe what i’m feeling now  
and i have a steady heartbeat
that feels more like a countdown  

kind of like a phantom touch
without the falling through 
kind of like cursed persephone 
after she ate the forbidden fruit 

violent ends is a free publication! the best thing you can do to support my work is to share it with others and interact with it. if you want to support my caffeine habit that my doctor will probably cry about, you can also buy me a coffee.