firebird (poem)

You have done this all before, but not to a woman like me.

Dido, 1781 oil painting by Henry Fuseli

Continuing my love for the narratives of mythic women, today’s poem is inspired by Dido - Queen of Carthage. Now, Dido wasn’t just the queen of Carthage, she was its founder. She was a powerful, intelligent, beautiful, and cunning woman who, sadly, is known best for her tragic suicide. The story goes like this: Dido is put under a love spell and falls madly in love with Aeneas. Unfortunately, Aeneas chooses not to stay with Dido in order to pursue his fate and become the ancestor to the founders of Rome. Dido, in her despair and madness, slays herself with his sword and dies atop a pyre. Before she dies, however, she curses him and his bloodline- stating that he and his ancestors shall be enemies of Carthage for all time.

firebird

A woman is an ever fickle
and changing thing. *
A flame that cannot be 
confined or contained. 
Tell me, what would you 
give to hold her in your hands 
and walk away sunburnt? 
After all, you left a city 
aflame 
once before. 
Rose out of the ashes 
yourself like a phoenix. 
Who is to say you could not 
do it again 
and again 
and again?

Let me tell you 
a tale as old as the sands. 
Adorned in shallow grief, 
grasping at unpromised prophecy, 
a simple man will betray 
a queen 
all for a city he has 
never even seen. 
He leaves unscathed, 
and she loses it all. 
He knows nothing of loyalty. 
She is mad to give it. 
And what is love if not 
madness disguised as devotion? 
It is a sickness of heart, 
mind, 
and soul. 
She is love-spelt 
and a mind lost. 
The destinies of the worst of men 
always come with the highest cost. 

Yet a woman can start the spark, 
but be remembered only 
for all of the ashes she left behind. 
Raise a city only 
to be remembered for its end. 
You saw something 
combustible in me 
and believed where there was smoke 
there would be fire. 
And you, 
pyromaniac, 
just couldn’t stay away. 
Oh, how easy it is for you 
to watch the woman you love 
become nothing. 
You have done this all before, 
but not to a woman like me. 
Dux femina facti.**

My traitor, my lover,  
my liar, my dearest friend. 
You really thought you could 
grasp for the firebird, 
make her yours, 
and abandon her in the night? 
You are no Antony, beloved.
You could never handle a 
queen with caution. 
And yet, 
I cannot undo what you've done to me.

So if I cannot make you stay, 
then I can at least rewrite the end. 
I can curse the bloodline you carry. 
I can destroy the lands you walk. 
A fate for a fate. 
An empire for an empire. 
I will retell this story
in a way that makes sense. 
It is sacrifice
not suicide. 
It is a god-offering 
not an offing. 
If I must give myself
to ruin you,
I will do it.
I will do it.
Gods, if true, hear my plea. 
May you never find what it is you seek. 
May the wolves rip into you with teeth. 
May my ghost haunt every land 
you think you own. 
May the wine always taste of blood. 
Do not seek me again 
and believe me still yours. 
You will find nothing for you 
in the flames that you would recognize. 
A woman is an ever fickle
and changing thing. 

*Variation of a quote from Virgil.
**Latin quote from Virgil describing Dido’s founding of Carthage. Translates to “a woman was the leader of the deed”

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